


"And that's why..." (ocs backstory)

by kayoxo



Category: OCs - Fandom
Genre: F/F, F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 16:54:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24030145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayoxo/pseuds/kayoxo
Kudos: 3





	1. I hate myself.

_How long has it been? Maybe 12 years by now, not really sure. It's been a long time, and here I am, 26 years old now, turning 27 in a few days. Oh, right I don't think I said my name. Hello, my name is Ryan Bell. I'm pretty sure no one will read this, EVER- but just in case, now you know my name! Well, I'm not going to get all sappy or anything. I'll get to the point for me writing this down. I hate my life so much. Ever since 8th grade, I've grown to hate myself. I thought it was just my body at first but now I can clearly see I just... hate myself. Before you judge me, which I mean I don't blame you, just listen. I've been through *hell*. Being called a slut all because of what my dumbass 14-year-old brain thought was a good idea. Having sex. Oh? I didn't mention this did I? I... used to be a girl. I know what surprise. I hate it. I was treated way better back then, than now. Even so, I hate being that "good girl", Riley everyone knew and loved (I think at least?). Well, 8th grade was okay I guess, but a few rumors started spreading about it and I still hate it. Anyways, moving into Highschool year. First-year? For fuck sakes, it was so fucking horrible. A lot of kids knew me from middle school and spread the rumors again. By that time I had started to transition, you know? Well, I don't want to keep going into detail with that, you get it, I wasn't a male before. With those rumors spreading... hell broke loose. All my good friends left me, MY BROTHER getting into fights! I hated it! I was so weak and I didn't do anything about it! HE DID! It hurts to see that he did that for some pathetic ass older brother he has... Charlie... I'm so sorry for you had to deal with my problems. But I'm so thankful he did. He did stop the rumors and a lot of kids in that hellhole didn't bother me about it. Expect... Evan. That smug ass bastard. I hate him to this day for everything he did to me. I still haven't told Mia or Charlie about it..._

_In Highschool, I somewhat got close to this guy named Evan. I thought we were friends or something. I was wrong. SO very wrong... He was friends with one of the popular kids_

* * *

Running could be heard from behind me, I decided to ignore it and kept walking till I heard them call out.

"Hey! Ry! Wait up!" Of course, that voice belonged to Evan Jones. That smug bastard. I actually got small feelings for him. He was always there for me, but for what reason? Did he like me the way that I was starting to like him? Or..? My thoughts got interrupted by his voice, "So! I was going to ask if you wanted to go with me!" Evan smiled at me. That smile was adorable and I hated that I loved seeing it. Oh shit- I wasn't even listening! "Um- ..Go where? Sorry, I guess I spaced out.." I let out a laugh and look at him, mainly his eyes. It feels like you could look at them for *hours*. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning if I look for too long, his gaze makes me feel iffy sometimes but I really didn't care. His eyes were a beautiful shade of blue. A dark ocean blue.  
"It's a party, I know you said you hate parties but I swear this one will be good!" He smiled again at me, ugh it made my heart race a bit. Maybe that's why I replied with, "Sure, I don't see why not. But, you'll be with me or I swear to god I'm ditching you." That got him to laugh, making my heart race a bit. "Okay okay, I promise I won't leave ya alone, just stick next to me lover boy" He teased, even if he was joking, it made my heart race even more but ache so damn much. I only nodded in response, he ruffled my hair and just smiled, "I'll pick you up at your place?" "Mhmm, You know where I live right?" "I do, I'll be there by 7 pm or 8"

And with that, we went our separate ways. I smiled like an absolute idiot.

* * *

That night was awful. I won't go into detail but... It got a bit too messy.  
Drunk thoughts, drunk feelings. I ended up confessing to him, I don't remember if he was drunk, I mean either way... I was too drunk to remember any of what happened. I only remember... us going into an empty bedroom and... making out? I don't know. I was drunk! I woke up early in the morning, he was there. naked it seemed. I was as well. God, I didn't regret it at the time.  
Skip a few days after that and rumors of me being a whore or a slut came back. Evan seemed to have defended me but one day... HE HAD TO HAVE DRAGGED ME INTO THE BOYS LOCKER ROOM. God, I hate it. I hate it. He kept telling me how much he "loved" me. I didn't believe it, his eyes didn't seem like he meant it, his tone, his movement. Everything was off about him. But he had the fucking audacity to just kiss me. It felt so forced but I didn't want to make him feel bad so I kissed him back. It was disgusting, all my feelings from all the times I've had sex with any guy from the year before came back and I felt gross. Maybe everyone was right. I am a slut.

Evan and I ended up being a thing, but it felt forced for me. I hated every moment about it. Call me selfish but it just felt gross and rushed. But being the dumbass I was, I stayed. Evan got a bit *too* comfortable with me and would request we do... "stuff" together at his place. I was an idiot but I just went with it. That night was also one of the worst nights I've had. I don't know how he managed to make me agree to fucking but... he did.   
It happened way too many times after. It was always the same.

I got so sick of it after a month. I know a month is a long time to finally get sick of it but I was trying to hard to give him chances. But... I stopped and ended up breaking up with him. He said we can stay friends, and stupid enough, I said alright.   
It was a mistake. 

Evan Jones made my life hell, FUNNY ENOUGH, THIS WAS ALL IN _9TH GRADE_. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH HE MADE MY LIFE A LIVING HELL? He did it so well.

* * *

He caused all my friends to leave me, start rumors and... cause a lot of guys to do stuff to me. I was only 16. A fucking teen. I was still basically _Riley,_ the girl I didn't want to be known as anymore, worse enough I hated my body! Now stupid fucking guys were all over me.  
16 years old. I got tired of it. I don't want to say I got... raped but, basically, I guess I did. Too many times. Too many guys. Too much, too much, I was only 16. I did it to myself, didn't I? I got with Evan, I caused all of this to myself. Now, even to this day, I regret it. I regret everything. 

I had stopped going to that school after a week of that. I never told my siblings. I only told our aunt, Irene about it. She was understanding and kept me close to her since. She didn't put me back in school, afraid of it happening again. I was a bit glad she didn't let me go back but, I was just afraid for my little sister and my brother...

* * *

"Hey, ry ry?" I turn to see my sister, she had her soft smile as always, it made me feel relieved seeing it. "Yeah Mia? What's up?" "I plan on bringing some friends over! Do you think you can help me fix up my room for tonight..?" "Sure, It's just girls right?" I push myself and the chair a bit away from the desk and faced her completely. "W-Well... I'm bringing over just one guy... b-but he feels more like a brother to me!! I swear-" "I'm kidding, yeah, I'll help you but I'm joining in the shit you're having with your friends. I don't trust any guy being near my little sister" Mia laughed and smiled, again that smile made me feel so relieved. "Ryann, don't say it like that, but okay! That's fine with me. Anyways, come on!" "Alright, be there, just let me finish something." She nodded, opening the door, and walked out. I looked back at the journal and closed it. I guess that's all I'll be writing huh? I got up from my desk, "I'm going I'm going!" Closing the door behind me. The journal was left alone. 

**_"Reason Number one, I've hated myself and everything I've done all because of a guy..."_ **


	2. Here's why.

_Hello! My name is Mia Bell, ummm... I'm not really sure how to start this. I'm... currently 24 years old. So, I'm writing this down... in an old journal I didn't really use. Well anyways! Enough about me! I'm writing about something personal I haven't told... anyone. I... I don't really like myself. And if I'm being honest, I don't think I ever did. Um... I just don't like myself. I've been through some relationships and have been just used by them... I guess I blame it on myself for being stupid and whatever for being used but that's not why I don't like myself... Hm. When did this start you may ask? Actually... when I was around 3-4 years old. Me and my brother's parents never gave me attention nor gave me any love like they did. I envy them to this day. They got their attention. I only got... sadness and time to myself. The only thing our parents gave me was food and shelter. But... besides that, I got nothing else. I don't remember when they left, but they did leave us with our aunt. I am more than grateful that we got left with her. She gives me the attention I NEVER GOT. While Ryan and Charlie... only got the attention they had to begin with. I envy them, but I still love them._

_When I got into Highschool year, I think it was okay... besides... a lot if getting used and cheated on with other people. I don't think I mentioned but... I never want to get a crush on a girl ever again. All those girls did was bully me. Ashley, Elizabeth, and Alina. I had small feelings for them but they were so mean. And then... I meet him, Ethan. He was in my grade, one year younger than me, and devilishly handsome. Of course. He cheated on me. Maybe, I grew tired of it, or just grew to not care, but I ended up just not getting with anyone after a while. It stayed like that for the whole four years in Highschool._

* * *

_21 years old by the time I was in a group with some friends. I'll name a few of them, and since they're dear to me! There's Zia Jordan, she's incredible, pretty, sweet... a bit confusing- but I liked her a lot. Hollie White, she's pretty, sweet and motherly, though I do get uncomfortable when she behaves that way. I know she means well, but I get feelings in my tummy and it makes me feel sad. Hm, Skye Miller? I did go through some bumpy waves with her but we're on good terms! She's pretty, sassy but it's nice, she has long black hair she keeps in a ponytail now, back in Highschool- she didn't have it up! Oh- That's not on topic. I'll tell you about some incident that happened in this group. We had a total of maybe.. 10 or more friends? I... I developed feelings for one of the guys. But... Zia did too. I don't know what got over me but, I planned to help them get together. So it worked, but while I was making sure everything was going good for them, he saw me, and it reminded me about my feelings for him. Oh... Oh, how it hurt so badly. Zia told me about their date and how it went well. I just put a facade and went along with being happy for her. "I should be happy for her, right?" Was what I was thinking. And It got to me so badly. Going out with them and seeing them being happy just broke me. Ryan found out, it was a mess. At least... two months later, we all were hanging out and Ryan had caused a fight with Zia, and her boyfriend. Long story short? Both Zia and her boyfriend... found out that I had a crush on him and how it broke me. Zia had apologized to me about it but, what was the point? She didn't mean it. I know she didn't. So again I lied and we went on with our lives. I didn't want those feelings for him, EVERY guy I meet always sees me as a childish girl. Just a child to them. No- Not just guys. EVERYONE saw me as a child. Why would he be any different? Who would be? I'm just a kid to anyone's eyes_

* * *

_this day? I don't know how I feel about Zia. She didn't take him from me because I was the reason why they got together. I was. It was my fault. Did I grow to hate Zia? Maybe a little. I grew to envy her though. She always got attention, it was just like my brothers with our parents. All I ever wanted was attention. But no matter what I did. I never got it. But that's fine, I can keep being happy for my friends and others, no one needs to know. Little Mia Bell has "always" been happy. So if you ever see her cry, just listen to her when she says she's okay. Childish Mia Bell is okay, she's fine. Everyone wants her happy right? Then she'll be happy, and maybe then... she'll get attention. Maybe she'll be happy like everyone else. Maybe... she'll find someone who truly loves her and won't use her. Maybe... she'll finally have her happy ever after.._

**_And maybe I won't be so worthless like I thought I was..._ **


End file.
